Movie Review: Pokemon: Arceus and the Jewel of Life

Pokemon eating watermelon solely because it is very cute
Universal Studios
A movie about selling toys, Pokemon: Arceus and the Jewel of Life leaves nothing to the imagination throughout it's 94 minutes of predictable events and painful writing. If you have seen any of the Pokemon movies, you know what to expect. Hell, you'll know what to expect even if you have not seen any Pokemon movie.

The characters are constantly explaining what is happen onscreen in real time as if you are far too stupid to understand the complexities of a horse shaped god with a bad temper.

Arceus being all angry and horse-like
Universal Studios
"But Caleb," you say, "You are stupid. Also the Pokemon movies are meant for children, of course the writing is bad!". Well fuck you, but you are right, this movie is meant for children. But you know what other movies are meant for children? The Iron Giant, The Lion King and Up just to name a few. Those are all great movies and although their writing isn't compelling, it doesn't treat the audience like they are brain dead.

To be fair, Pokemon: Arceus and the Jewel of Life is plainly truthful about what it aims to do in the first ten minutes of so of the movie. On screen you are hit with dazzling special effects as your child's favorite Pokemon battle each other in the air, exploding all over the place. Then, there are flashbacks to earlier Pokemon movie so that your child will bug you about buying them that other bad Pokemon movie. This movie is unashamed about it's goal I can't help but respect that. Now, what did this movie get right?

Arceus raining down the pain on the poor villagers below
Universal Studios
Well it definitely looks pretty, and I especially liked how seemingly painted background pieces seamlessly interact with foreground explosions and such. And there's the voice acting, boy is it entertaining. It's not of quality, but nothing compares in hilarity than how Arceus sounds like someone making a bad impression of Freeza from Dragon Ball Z. It's especially great when you remember that Arceus is basically the Old Testament god and he, oh yeah, totally wrecks people's shit in a murderous rampage which is awesome. They do not show the people getting hit by the falling energy meteors so you will have to imagine their screams yourself. Remember, this is a kid's movie so you gotta meet it halfway in some areas. (Horse) God it can't do everything for you.


  1. Meh, all of pokemon's movies are kinda...
    "Hey, watch us fight and clap your little hands while we "*~SUBTLY~*" teach you a lesson :D"

    Its all about what you like though... I mean, I loved the look and story of Pokemon 2000, but I'd be lying if I didn't geek when I saw the premiere of Zoroark based one. Pokemon is Pokemon, and I liek it.

    1. Yes, yes. I remember watching the first three Pokemon movies and I enjoyed them, however I was a small kid at the time and of course I enjoyed them.

      But really, I recommend this movie only for Pokemon fans cause it's... Well, you've read the review.

  2. Your writing isn't very compelling.

  3. Honestly what makes me resent this movie is how Arcues practically humiliates the Creation Trio due to his plot armor.. er, excuse me, I meant his Plates(which is practically stupid)
    It makes Arcues look like some troll on a FPS online game using cheats to beat actually skilled players. Without those plates' bs plot armor, Arceus is a glorified glass cannon.
    Heck, it took him CENTRIES to slumber to recover from his wounds from that attack when he was "betrayed".
    Seeing Giratina(yes, he's my favorite of the Trio and probably all of the legendaries) getting bodied like that due to those stupid plates not allowing them to scratch Arceus while he wrecks Giratina and Dialga/Palkia(yes, I care about those two too) just.. really makes me so mad.
    Its really annoying how everyone is going "OMG ARCEUS IS POWERFUL THAN CREATION TRIO" while not realizing he only beaten them due to his stupid plot armor(no, it doesn't matter if the Plates are part of him, ITS STILL BULLS****). If he handled well against them WITHOUT that plot armor, then he gets some respect but since he only won due to those Plates, I will call him out on BS on this.

    The other thing that bugged me was that time travel scene. How the future got changed there. I am pretty sure it doesn't work like that. Such as none of the 3 movies would happen in the first place since Arceus wouldn't be slumbering and cause this entire mess when he woke up.


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