ENCYCLOPEDIA

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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

A
AAA, electrical batteries that are commonly found in groups of two on store shelves, later to be found as a lone battery in the kitchen drawer when you really need to power the vibrator remote that you fished out of the discount bin at CondomSense. Not to be confused with AAA Title.

AAA Title, a video game characterized by Activision or Electronic Arts running decent game development teams straight into the ground.

Amaterasu, all powerful, life-creating sun goddess starring in the Okami franchise reduced to a speechless, pansy white wolf damaged by water. No, really. Never mind her all powerful celestial paint brush, a weapon harnessing powers of the divine and honorable in order to cut dudes in two like a hot glue gun through butter, you swim in that water for too long and you're as good as dead.

Assassin's Creed, smart video game blending themes of authority, humanity, and life origin with action adventure gameplay set in alternate history. Between stints of gameplay, Assassin's Creed spends time questioning modern schools of thought without completely overselling it, all set in beautiful, vista view filled Holy Land of the Third Crusade. Beautiful story telling complemented by a beautiful setting; perfect harmony. This is the first video game review ever written by the world renowned and respected Plus Minus Infinity that you need to read.

Assassin's Creed (Series), show me that fucking sweet combo again bro.

At the Time, terrible, widely accepted excuse for a video game to be terrible.

B
Balls, spherical objects that. after activation of mystic juju, can be placed all over one's body to record motion data. If this order is reversed, why, you'd look just plain silly covered in balls. See Beyond: Two Souls.

BAMF, abbreviation of BadAss MotherFucker, this what we should all aspire to be each and every single day. See Goku.

Battlefield 3, neat online racing game challenging players to see who can nab the attack helicopter first. Learn more here.

Battlefield (Series), popular online multiplayer video game series priding itself on vehicular gameplay, squad base cooperation, and explosions before Call of Duty came along and ruined everything, forcing the series on a two year installment schedule where the multiplayer gameplay expires upon the release of the next title.

Bloodletting Garbage Music, any and all music created after your own birth decade. All cynical geriatrics should see ModNation Racers.

Boat, typically parked on cinder blocks in suburban driveways, teeming with various types of feral cat, these water faring vehicles are from a time when well off Americans found a need to show their neighbors who's the real big shot after their Lincoln grew old after two years. With the recession of 2008 stripping away the power of the dollar, so too did the envy towards boat owners erode like the replay value of Far Cry 3 the moment you find out there is no mission select mode included at the end of the game, like, what the hell, Far Cry 3? I only gave you $60 at least you can give me are more choices of how to play you.

BoneStop, the best place the buy video games ever.

C

Car, a machine that no one but you, out of your group of friends, own. Funny that. See Far Cry 3.

Cake, surprisingly bad idea for a date.

Call of Duty (Series, abbr. COD), world renowned for its addictive, frame dropping online gameplay, this video game series debuts once a year to hordes of anxious gamers outside of BoneStops, yearning for the ecstacy of latency ruining their 360 degree, quickscope quad feed they have spent months training for. The franchise is a known warzone ripe with the sweet scent of wild berries expelled from engorged E-Peen wailing about each other like wet pool noodles, slyly transforming fake difficulty into an addictive selling point since 2005. This is the only video game franchise immune to COD Syndrome.

Cheat, awesome G4 TV show merciless murdered by DLC. Lesser known as a term describing non original code used to give the user an advantage in a video game, to cheat in a video game is a mortal sin punishable by an online play ban that a cheater can simply cheat their way out of. Cheats also describe hidden, not well known methods of getting really good shit in a video game as designed by the game developers.

Cheese, intentional humor transcending into "so bad its terrible" territory, this form of unrelenting dread is great on sliced bread and Plus Minus Infinity.

Choice, an abstract concept that individuals can make their own decisions when given multiple options, video games are providing more of it through character customization, branching story lines, and flavors of Xbox. This ability makes game feel more personal and more in-control despite the lizard people who are really in control of which Xbox you will buy.

COD Syndrome, slow decline of a video game franchise's into irrelevance due to mediocre annual releases that feels exactly like dating my filthy, disgusting ex. Not to be confused with Call of Duty.

Conspiracy, the remaining1/3rd of the internet that isn't porn, Call of Duty YouTube videos, or Call of Duty porn.

D

Disaster, a terrible event the likes of which haven't been seen since Mirror's Edge. I just can't tell you how much I loathe this game. But and I did anyway.

Doo Doo Mudslide, least popular flavor of Slurpree by quite a margin. The term is normally used when describing life's unpredictability, like Mass Effect 3 freezing all the goddamn time, Jesus Fucking Christ why has this never been addressed?

Downloadable Content (DLC), sinister business scheme in which game developers and game publishers come together to offer consumers more video game content for a price. Absolutely sick stuff.

Dreamcast, released by Sega in 1999, this home console's massive cult following was oddly absent when the failing home console was pulled from the market a short two years later, characterized by such hit titles as Sonic Adventure, Shenmue, Sonic Adventure, and Sonic Adventure, games who's sales propelled the failing console square into the gutter, only to be scraped up by grovelling fanatics that loved the console so much they never thought to buy one when it was new.

Dualshock 3, video game controller featuring motion sensing technology ergonomically designed to slide off your knee real quick the moment you so much as think about it crashing into the floor. Complemented by Sony's patented, top heavy weight balance technology that could make Ford Crown Victoria on 40 inch rims blush, this controller works around the clock to locate the perfect trajectory for which to hop off the arm of your sofa and fall onto the ground, taking down an unsuspecting bowl of cheese puffs with it in a dazzling display of modern technology when combined with the unique mini-USB charging cable connected to the PS3. These technologies culminate into a seamless, around-the-clock system working to yank your PS3 from it's shelf or, at least, ruin your dinner of cheese puffs covered in hair and dust from when you picked them off the floor the first time.

E

E-peen, an organ of an internet personality that, once engorged, flexes it's signal-red plumage to establish dominance over competing internet ego via ritualistic dance.

F

Fake Difficulty, a video game situation arising from placing players in unfair situations with unclear solutions. See any Call of Duty. Literally any Call of Duty. Even Black Ops 3 will do.

Fake Longevity, video game situation that arises from placing the player in slowly occurring situations with unclear reasoning. See Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

Far Cry 3, if you ever had the desire to punch a shark well this is your closest opportunity to do so. Released in 2012, this action adventure title features a first person perspective into the genre of sandbox video games. Debuting many types of boat and car, this title provides the answer to a question no one asked, "Just how many ways can you kill exotic animals?", providing a good time if one ever existed. The answer is, of course, "I don't know, but I do know of at least one fashion to do so."

Fauxtography, the discipline of taking photographs and sharing them for the world to see while having no idea of what you are doing to bane of Facebook friends, family, and coworkers, but to the gain of gallery media websites. The act provides it's own countervailing force through humor, so keep at it you tactless sloths.

G

GameCube, Smash Bros. Melee was pretty neat, wasn't it?

Gamergate, a clusterfuck of fuckery if there ever was such a fucking fuck.

Goku, Jesus. No, really, Goku is Jesus. He dies repeatedly but comes back to save humanity. See Optimus Prime.

Golden nugget, the arch nemesis of a shit nugget, to be a golden nugget is the best acclamation any video game can ever hope to be. Never to be confused with the equally as known GOTY award so God help you. 

God Mode, the reason why you cannot play your favorite Call of Duty games online on the PlayStation 3 or Xbox 360 anymore, this common video game cheat allows the user eternal life.

Gun, perfect for original, slow-motion, quick time event cutscenes. I don't give a damn.

Gung-ho, mad with revenge fueled by adrenaline, our crazed hero rampages with machine gun fire blazing, somehow not taking a single shot to the arm, at least, despite mowing down entire ethnic groups in one gore filled scene, describing many modern FPS shooters


GOTY (Game of the Year), Yiddish for a meaningless award given to video games by journalists commonly giving good review scores based on publisher push back and advertisement, GOTY entails a video game is objectively better than its peers despite the varying opinions by individuals that the same journalists pretend to care about. These awards pail in comparison to the coveted Golden Nugget award. See a load of a Shit.


Gritty, measurement of a video game’s worth by way of blood, guts, boobs, and actual grits of dirt. With the advent of high definition gaming in the last decade, grit has played an increasingly important role ensuring children the world over are exposed to things they have no business seeing.

H

Hero's Journey, a typical Generic Neutral Face story line perfect for all gamers of all sorts to project themselves into.
 

Hype , act of video game news giants regurgitating similar stories in uncreative ways to generate buzz about video games many would otherwise not consider purchasing. Ingenious cleverness bordering on evil, PMI hates it because we didn't think to do it first. See Call of Duty.

I

Internet, the, best at pretty much everything, ranking among at the top in terms of viable alternatives to life; the true final frontier.

J
Journalism, zing!

Jump, popular form of locomotion for everything from space tanks to Italian plumbers to Pilots. Despite universal application in modern gaming and thousands of examples, Mirror's Edge manages to fuck this one up real good.

Just Dance (Series), only known video game series necessitating a thorough carpet vacuuming of toenail clippings prior to gameplay.


Just Dance 4, fourth in the line of silly dance games, Just Dance 4 requires you to check your shame at the door before embarrassing yourself with your friends and family. And would you believe it if you were told there is no Safety Dance to be found at all in this game? Weird, huh?

L

Life, the worst joke imaginable. See Call of Duty.

Loot, unpredictably generated goods rewarded to the player for completing in game tasks such as killing the other dudes a lot. See Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare.

M

Microtransactions, form of money grubbin' that's like a Thanksgiving dinner where you are charged a fee per portion of any food you put onto your plate. You can choose not to eat any food, thus defeating the entire purpose of Thanksgiving. This form of DLC is based on the time honored principle that giant vaults of money aren't going to swim inside themselves.

Mirror's Edge, not as bad a Gabrielle episode of Xena: Warrior Princess but hey, you win some and you lose some. It looks pretty, though.

Motion Capture, video game development method that records physical movement of real actors and objects to be use as movement for video game characters and objects. See Beyond: Two Souls.
Must Be Poison, the only possible explanation as to why swimming in water is deadly to badass sun god in the form of a wolf. See Amaterasu.

Mystic Juju, ethereal powers connecting us all, the reason how the Nintendo 3DS works without glasses and why tiny balls can turn a man into a video game character. See Beyond: Two Souls.
N

Nonshit, the only acceptable amount of shit in any given video game is no shit at all.

Nostalgia High, everything in your childhood was perfect so help you God if you'll just stand there letting some little shit spout nonsense about Ocarina of Time being one of the most over hyped video games of all time. Clearly every video game created before your birth decade and after it is a complete waste of time and/or trash, end of discussion.

Notch Henderson , complete sellout after selling his company, Mojang, to software giant Microsoft for 2.5 billion USD. Once a humble man making millions upon millions of dollars a year from his beloved video game, Minecraft, and the associated t-shirts, hats, cookware, backpacks, children's toys, LEGOs, phone cases, and other assorted flotsam like pencils, pens, and key chains one would find between the chewed pen caps and melted chocolate in a child's backpack, he's now given the franchise to Microsoft who will milk the franchise dry. Imagine that.

NPC, non-playable characters also known as AI, CPU, or computer players, these are in game objects that are controlled by a video game’s 1’s and 0’s. Due to human players being 100% better at playing video games, computer players are often shit eating cheaters when designed as player enemies. See ModNation Racers.

O

Optimus Prime, also Jesus. But also a badass robot with a face-ripping fetish.

Oversteer, video game phenomenon characterized by on screen player movement that is greater than the player's input. Great for cars, terrible for video games.

P

PC Gamer, Gods among us that love gaming so much that shaving is most definitely not on the agenda; mind the neck beards, will you.

Pelican Dual Triggers, most popular first person shooter to date, Pelican Dual Triggers stars Pelly the Pelican, abandoned byproduct of a military super soldier nanobot experiment gone wrong, Pelly has a fowl bone to pick with his creators, embarking on a blood soaked flight of revenge through the dystopian future City of Metropolis Town. He is the only one left that wobbles tall for justice. Those that stand in his way will fit Pelly's bill. Unfeathered, Pelly will cook their gooses.

Pffft, sound one makes when you just don't give a damn, the sound is also a good onomatopoeia for a soft fart. See Mirror's Edge.

PITA, type of flat bread deriving much of its flavor and texture from ass pain.

PlayStation 2, a pretty neat console created by Sony, and the most sold home console to date for a reason. Go buy one!

PlayStation 3 (abbr. PS3), like a PlayStaion 2 but with less games and more online experiences. In terms of online play, the PlayStation 3 offered its internet service, PlayStation Network (abbr. PSN), free of additional charge. This combined with a relatively large PSN community allowed the home console an unmatched value in terms of online multiplayer gaming experience. This console's release in 2006 ushered in a new era of visually balling as all shit video games, perfectly matched for one of those affordable $3000, high definition LCD TV sets.

Port, restructured video game historically designed to play poorly on an unoriginal system for the sake of old fashioned money grubbin'. The quality of video game ports has increased over the past decade, with ported AAA titles only having glitches shuddering it's online multiplayer to a screeching halt and onto it's knees. 

Prequel-Sequel, a prequel to an original work released after the original work, this is typically done in order to avoid a retconning. See Deus Ex: Human Revolution.

Pun, worst yet most prolific type of humor on Plus Minus Infinity. See just about every review we’ve published.

Q 
Quick Time Event (QTE), go-to idea for video game developers running out of good ideas, QTEs are universally hated for their insurmountable fake difficultly, requiring the player to press a button or precisely tilt a control stick in a specific direction the moment an onscreen prompt tells the player to do so. The low margin between success and failure is itself a crime against humanity, but QTEs take it one step further by unexpectedly appearing during cut scenes when you’re elbow deep in the hole of a Pringles can. Beyond: Two Souls is the only video game in existence where QTEs aren't completely awful.
R

Real Difficultly, pisses you off as much as fake difficulty but while you fail repeatedly you will realize that it is all your fault. See Risk of Rain.

Red Ring of Death, bro is your ring suppose to be doing that?

Reimagining, often worded as "reboot", this is a new work pretending the old work never existed, allowing studios to create a fresh, new look by retelling a known story in a new way. In video games, this leads to awesome things like GoldenEye 007 (2010) and terrible things like Sonic The Hedgehog (2006).

Retcon, also know as retroactive continuity, this practice is conducted when previous continuity facts do not allow studios to make as much money as they want, when in fact, they'd really, really like to. The practice paves the way for future works to make as much money as previous works by means of steam rolling said previous works into the roads of which the new work finds success. Clever studios avoid this is by creating prequel-sequels, while some conduct reimaginings.

Road, natural phenomena originating from the depths of dormant volcanoes that, after erupting, launching clouds of ash hundreds of thousands of miles into the air, where they mix with upper atmosphere sulfuric acid and Predacons, condensing into concrete as it falls onto the world's metropolitan areas as roads, streets, and Waffle Houses. Roads are commonly found in video game franchises such as Grand Theft Auto, Gran Torismo, and Need for Speed.

Roguelike, genre of video game created by sociopaths for sociopaths. For more, go here.

S
Scales of Shit, hallowed scope of judgment formed only when one’s ability to enjoy things uncritically is pressed into a rock-hard shit nugget by shitty video games exerting pressure over time. Once used on the platform of video game judgment, the wielder of the Scales of Shit knows no bias; only shit.


Shit, strongest, most fun curse word one can say before being asked to “shut the hell up” in front of the kids.

Shit Nugget, common feeling of the desire to toot resulting in the birth of one or more sticky, dime-sized underpants deposits with the texture of molasses and the smell of Kung Pao Chicken, often used to described instances of poor game play design in otherwise good video games. Opposite of a golden nugget.
Skype, most realistic communication method for online multiplayer games on the Wii console without Dad barging into the room cracking Dad jokes directly into Wii Speak's microphone for purposes that will never be understood by modern science.
Sonic Adventure, a rare example of a bad concept becoming a good game, this is one of the few titles giving purpose to the late Sega Dreamcast.

Sonic Adventure (Series), in the olden days before video games needed competitive multiplayer to warrant real estate in oversize, wooden entertainment centers, this action adventure series starring a blue hedgehog of the same name became a critical success as it's home console critically failed to penetrate the market. We are not too sure of how that works but the 90s were a very different time.

Soul Train, American musical TV show that your parents wouldn’t let you watch, well known for it's frightening train mascot and making it's guests feel bad for being on their show, similar to how Mirror's Edge makes you feel bad for playing Mirror's Edge. Have I mentioned how much that game blows?

Split Screen Mode, with modern children playing outside whenever given the chance, throwing rocks at each other, and coming home only when the streetlights come on, this form of local multiplayer is understandably virtually absent from modern gaming with few exceptions.

Steam, currently the strongest known evidence for the existence of God. A gamer's paradise.

Super Smash Bros Brawl, family friendly snot-beating even adults can enjoy.

T

TV, large rectangular thing that your parents sometimes use to watch other adults tell them what to be afraid of. See YouTube.

T-100, Series of human-mimicking robots in the Terminator movie series sent from the future robot-human war to destroy the leaders of the human resistance. T-100s have this way of walking about them that's just all... ksssh, kssh, kssh pew pew pew pew pew. It's pretty sweet. BO3 owes 'em a thank you.

U


Unfettered turd, a next-level shit nugget.

V

Video Rental Store, ancient means of media theft prior to the proliferation of the internet which makes the practice a whole lot easier. Now obsolete, these abandoned establishments are great places to pick up some strange when out on the town, a practice that, incidentally, the internet also makes much easier.

Video Game Store, convenient alternative to begrudgingly flushing down 60 USD in the nearest available toilet.

W

Wii Balance Board, go outside, you.

Wii Console, high quality, white glossy box sitting in a dusty corner of Aunt Maurie's entertainment system near an unopened Wii Balance Board box, itself resting on a treadmill-turned-clothes rack. When used as its secondary function, a home video game console, gamers in 2006 enjoyed such timeless titles as Super Smash Bros. Brawl and a spattering of Zelda games here and there.

Wii Speak, there's no way I'm going back there man, I'll go back to prison; I don't care.

Work, life. Sometimes used to refer to literary writing, movies, video games, and other forms of artistic lies and plagiarism.
X

Xbox, manufactured by Microsoft, more or less a PlayStation 2 for those with more friends who lived on the internet than actual flesh based friends.

Xbox 360, like a PlayStation 3, but with more games and better online experiences. Marked by it's exceptional online service, Xbox Live (abbr. XBL), the Xbox 360 arguably offered the best online experience console gaming has ever seen at the time, red ring of death be damned.

Y

YouTube, the thing in your small rectangle that you use to watch other filthy, offensively rich kids make jokes on. These guys are more rich than you or I will ever dream to be. Woah, fucking crazy. See TV.  

Comments

  1. I really love the PC GAMER one bro that is so me lol I loved each one through funny stuff you put down on most things great job man

    Sincerely: WTF__MATE

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad that you're thoroughly enjoying the things I write about. Thanks for the feedback!

      Delete
  2. " Go outside, you???" C'mon, Gamecube was great for the legend of zelda, also, never forget the squishy little Pikmin. Mucho adorable. There was quite a bit of good games on there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I disagree completely but that's a-okay! I am glad that you and plenty others have enjoyed owning a GameCube.

      Delete

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