Gears of War Aged Like Milk, But That's What Makes it Worth Playing Today

Before I continue, I must lay out my gaming cred. I know, I also cringed while typing that. Still, I must explain I've been playing military first person shooter games for 16 years, starting with the very good Delta Force. Then, naturally, Delta Force 2 came out and so too did Land Warrior, Task Force Dagger, Blackhawk Down (The PC version) along with Joint Operations, and finally Delta Force Xtreme. Delta Force Xtreme is a lot less sexy than it sounds, BTW, and a lot less fun than the other games.

These games, along with Battlefield 2, came out before 2005's Call of Duty 2 transformed the genre in terms of multiplayer, although the futuristic military combat game Battlefield 2142 predates Gears of War by a month. I've then played every COD game besides WWII, all the Halo games, and some Team Fortress 2 here and there. 

Oi, I also putted around America's Army the few times my turd brother would let me use his gaming PC to play. What a dick. 

That's a whole lotta shootin' games, specifically, first person shootin' games. Keep that in mind as you read on.

My Beef With Gears of War

My playthrough of the remastered version, Gears of War Ultimate Edition on the Xbox Series X was painful. Movement feels like you're stomping through Greek yogurt, the strange active reload mechanic distracts from firefights, the game looks like trash despite being a remaster, and it's cavalier tone towards war got me all kinds of messed up. If Fortnight cemented the shooter's gene as a hippity-hoppity cool place for cool kids, Gears started it way back in 2006.

I know you're thinking COD is guilty of the same, but it didn't jump on the character driven, killing-is-super-cool-kids train until a year later with COD4. Infinity Ward needed time to check Gears' homework, you see. 

Gears combined NFL styled armored dudes with unintentionally funny, deep voices that made the main character, Marcus Fenix, sound and look like he was grown in a muscle enhancing chamber at the cost of higher brain function. Its jarring how exciting the characters and the game itself portrays its apocalyptic war with the Grubs, especially today. But then if you think about it a little and remember what was going on in 2006, America was in the throngs of that one war and it hits you-- Oh yeah, that's why this game thinks war is cool. 

Sure, 60% of Americans were against the Iraq war in 2006 according to one poll, but the idea for Gears of War first came along in 2001 and... C'mon, we all know what happened that year and-- Oi, you probably weren't born then yet, were you?

Basically America was sold on a war with Iran after the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks. It was a weird, sucky time that gave us a lot of militaristic, nationalistic video games, the Patriot Act, and like, half the Novalogic library of shooters. What's the Patriot Act? WELL--

Ay-yi-yi Let's Get Back on Track

Beyond the war fetish, the level design is very basic and super, duper bland. There are some interesting looking set pieces and unique styles here and there, but apparently everybody on Sera hired the same architect who just couldn't get enough hues of septic brown and pus yellow to cover snaking, long hallways. Ya'll, I know they chose those hues because that was the go-to method to make console shooters look realistic in 2006, and the hallways served to hide loading screens, but to me, just having a reason for doing a thing doesn't negate it's effect or ineffectiveness. 

Gears fans, before you come at me with a chainsaw machine gun shouting "this game is old so this review is unfair!", please calm down. My point is to look at this game as I exist now in 2021, because I think it's interesting to see how political climates, technology, and so-so design culminated to making Gears the most played video game on Xbox 360.  If I were to review this game as if its still 2006, that'd be useless because we (collectively) already did that... In 2006.

Moreover, despite my dislike of Gears and basically everything this game stood for, I didn't walk away from any of the 5 story mode chapters; I kept playing. It's strange, innit? Gears somehow gripped my imagination much in the way that Star Wars did when I finally watched that damned movie a decade ago. It's like the creators stumbled upon a happy accident through the holes in plot, design, tone, and characters, that invited players into it's world to fill the gaps. 

It's that surprising captivation that, when combined with the still unique and unequaled cover system, makes this game feel like something special. Even now in 2021, there still isn't any gaming experience quite like Gears, so I implore you to give it a go, especially if you have Xbox Game Pass. It may not have aged well, but it's a truly unique entry in the history of gaming that deserves a visit. 

Thanks for reading this one, my dudes, and I hope you join me as I continue my Gears journey to discover how this series developed across 15 years. Hopefully I'll have more screenshots for Gears 2.

Gears of War still sucks though.

I'm kidding. Kinda.

If you're new to the site, then thanks for joining us today, and do know I try my best to keep these rants informal. I like to type like how I talk to my friends so having plenty of screenshots and grammar isn't always on my mind. You can follow me on Facebook.